


3000 Miles of Vriska

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Romance, F/F, Red Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 16:21:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Rose and Kanaya wish to have a proper road trip experience, but Vriska decides to tag along and cause as many problems as she possibly can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	3000 Miles of Vriska

**Author's Note:**

  * For [radio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radio/gifts).



Three weeks supply of clothing, toiletries, laptop with cable cord and emergency power supply (always taken after events of the game just in case), copious amounts of snack foods, specialized blood packets for one Kanaya, extra cash, various forms of identification, notebooks, a variety of writing utensils, a make-up kit, a first-aid kit, a GPS device, a traditional cellphone, an iPhone, two separate iPods, a pair of fashionable sunglasses, a traditional map, no less than seven books you had been meaning to read for a while, no less than ten books on tape, and one limited edition Kanaya. Less than half of these items will end up being used on the long drive, but you like to keep all bases covered.

As you finish a last tidying sweep through the kitchen (clean houses are the best to return to after all), Kanaya returns from packing all of the bags into the car.

"I believe you have sufficiently prepared for any possible disaster Rose," she says as she leans against one of your clean counters.

"I'm not convinced yet. We may run into a tornado. Or an asteroid shower. Or a cholerbear. Cholerbears now exist in Washington, don't they?" you muse.

Kanaya sighs in an incredibly exasperated manner as if you were in habit of asking inane questions she could not possibly know the answer to. "Rose, the car is ready, I am ready, the cat-sitter and the gardener we hired are ready, John and Karkat are ready for our arrival in four days pending asteroids or cholerbears, and the house is ready for you to stop cleaning it. We've been planning this for months now, and I would very much like to get on the road before noon. I already identified the cheapest, most risque hotels we can visit. You promised me the proper road trip experience, Rose. I want my road trip."

Not to be outdone, you sigh in an even more exasperated manner. Dramatic sighing compromises fifty percent of your relationship. Other notable percentage figures include eyebrow waggling and reading bad romantic novels. You make a good show of walking over to the garbage can and letting the wipe drift from your fingers downwards into the depths of layers of plastic. You manage to stand there watching for a good fifteen seconds before Kanaya loses all patience with you and decides that bodily escorting you to the car is the best way to go.

Kanaya’s front yard (and back yard and along the sides) is a gardener’s dream. One of the few perks of living in Georgia is that everything grows and stays green and beautiful, at least if tornadoes don’t tear up the land. You still prefer the old forests where you once lived, but Kanaya loves it here, loves the warmth and humidity unlike the harshness of Alternian heat, loves being able to grow things so easily.

She drags you through these same gardens towards your gorgeous bright green car with the four-way adjustable leather seats and perfect temperature control. Kanaya deposits you right next to the passenger side before dashing over to the driver’s side, practically vibrating and literally glowing with glee. You slip in, sit down, and buckle-up, ready to have a fun road trip. You are actually looking forward to the drive, to gossiping with Kanaya and seeing Earth, seeing all the people (and trolls) who are alive again, all the cities and architecture and wilderness that exists again due to your group’s efforts.

It's only after a few seconds when you decide you desire a snack do you turn around and look in the back seat. A wild Vriska grins back at you.

"Hi!" she says far too exuberantly.

Out of the corner of your vision, you see Kanaya blink and slowly turn around to also stare at her. Vriska beams at this too.

"W-what? How did you get in our car? Why aren’t you in France? I‘m pretty sure you were in France," Kanaya asks incredulously.

Vriska makes a show of yawning and stretching her gangly limbs. "I got bored and found out you two were planning a road trip! Man, finding you guys was a pain. Why'd you move to Georgia anyway? You don‘t call, don‘t write, don‘t leave any forward address except that really old one in Michigan, girl didn‘t know any better she‘d say you were trying to ditch her or something."

“We felt like moving,” you say. Dread sinks into your stomach. Something is very wrong here. “Though really the question should be how did you even know we were going to be doing this?” It's a fair question. While this has been in plan for months, it was only just recently that either of you realized that informing your future hosts that you planned on crashing at their house for a few weeks was a Thing You Should Probably Do Before Departure.

"Well, see, you told Karkat, and anything told to Karkat is immediately gossiped about with Eridan, and he blabbed to Feferi who told Sollux who told Aradia who was gloating to me and going on and on and on about stuff I wasn't really paying that much attention to. Perfectly natural means of communication." She settles back into her seat and puts her feet up against the back of your chair. This would not do at all.

"You were in France," you repeat slowly.

Vriska sniffs indignantly. "I said I got bored. Anyway, you wouldn't begrudge a girl a chance to see her palemate, would you? Especially not with his current load of douchebaggery? Somebody's gotta keep an eye out on that," she drawls and gives you a knowing wink, and damn everything you can’t really say no to that.

Kanaya bangs her head against the steering wheel. You can almost hear all those little dreams and ideas of the perfect road trip being crushed with each thud and consequence car horn.

 

You are still fervently hating everything ever two hours down the road. Vriska has somehow managed to gain complete control over all the music played, stolen all your favorite snacks, and won't put her feet down. You have attempted in retaliation to throw Kanaya's weird meatcake bars at her, but being in the front seat has you at a tactical disadvantage in this scenario.

Kanaya has been ignoring the both of you and focused on driving, long given up on attempting to find some kind of car game you could play without the two of you gratuitously cheating.

Three hours down the road, and you stop at a gas station, stretch your legs, and severely contemplate leaving Vriska behind while you fill up the car and switch seats with Kanaya. You really regret not leaving Vriska when she casually sidles into the car with a bra bulging full of stolen movies and candy bars and informs you that leaving now would be “the best idea“.

Lunch is an informal affair at a lone Subway in Kentucky. This time you follow Vriska even to the bathroom to make sure she doesn't steal anything again, but you get the sinking feeling this is exactly what she planned on.

So you and Kanaya do not have a quiet but romantic lunch in some wayside restaurant. You do not have nice drives through the boondocks filled with interesting conversations. You attempted to make some kind of fleeting pass at modern novels, but Vriska, of course, stole the conversation and went into great length about tasteless pirate erotic novels. You are not exactly known for having the highest standards when it comes to your erotic novels, so when you can definitely classify something as tasteless, the book should probably just be ritualistically burned.

Throughout that fun and thrilling conversation, you can see Kanaya's eyebrow do that thing where it doesn't so much as twitch but spasm in place as she attempts not to throw herself into yet another failed ashen affair (especially with Vriska who she has failed to auspisticize for four times now, and is Vriska aiming for eight? Is that what she is doing?) It probably shouldn't amuse as much as it does, and you scold yourself very fervently for taking any pleasure in it.

You end up passing St. Louis where you do, at least, get to ogle the architecture from the vantage point of your car before you stop at a small hotel past the city's limits. Pizza is ordered, and Vriska disappears into the tiny bathroom to most likely use up all the hotel’s hot water somehow. You really wouldn’t be surprised.

The lack of Vriska is a glorious thing. Life has more possibilities, more opportunities to explore without a Vriska nearby eating all your snack foods. You flop onto the bed face-first. Beds are quite nice things, all soft and comfortable and quiet. They don't cackle at you and reprogram your iPod when you aren't looking. You are utterly done with Vriska, and this has been only one day of her presence. This does not bode well.

A soft fwump indicates that Kanaya has chosen to follow your doubtlessly great example and also flop onto the bed rather than foolishly go get into the room‘s recuperacoon. A few awkward moments of shifting around with all of the grace of a beached whale later, and you stare into her beautiful jade eyes, examine her sculpted features, her long limbs, her dainty paws and ears.

This should be a romantic moment. You should be kissing her right now, yet all that remains of your cognitive functioning is a nasty aftertaste and second-hand shame.

"So this is the troll you were once flushed for?" you ask. "The one you really examined and said to yourself, 'This is everything I want in a partner. I would totally hit that'".

"Rose!"

"I mean, I can see ashen or maybe pale, but flushed? Really Kanaya? Really?"

Kanaya rolls onto her back and tucks her chin down slightly. Very defensive posturing, makes her less symbolically vulnerable and flashes the horn to the other. "I told you it was a silly infatuation that made no sense. I certainly am not bringing up your little failed seduction attempt on Terezi."

"Yes because Terezi isn't currently following us around and eating all of our snacks, though it wouldn't surprise me if she did."

You pause for a moment, decide that you don’t want to be a complete ass to your matesprit, and shuffle closer to her so you can even better resemble a beached whale. Her eyes soften, and her chin tilts upwards ever so slightly. "I don't want Vriska on our road trip, Kanaya,” you say. “I want her out. I want this trip to be just us and not have a third wheel antagonize us the entire time."

Kanaya hesitates for a moment and then slowly nods. "I want her out too, Rose." And just like that, life is again a wondrous joy.

You decide to peer into the future and cheat.

 

At five in the morning, you both rise and silently pack up your belongings. You double check that there is indeed a Vriska in the recuperacoon before sneaking out. One elevator down to the lobby, one trip across through the parking lot, and a few minutes to load the luggage into the car.

You slink into the passenger side seat with a warm feeling of satisfaction and actual hope for the rest of the trip. That is, until you turn around to get some snacks, and there is a Vriska in the back seat, and she fucking grins at you at five in the morning.

"Hi! I think we went over this before,” she chirps, beaming radiant rays of light just all over the goddamn place.

Kanaya's face is frozen in one of absolute shock, mouth open, eyes wide, eyebrows curled upward into the hairline, and with that classic, trademark Kanaya eyebrow spasm.

"You are in our back seat," you say, the picture of absolute grace.

Vriska mimes smacking the back of your head. "Congrats genius! Eight out of eight points possible! Your lusus must be so proud."

Your synapses finally get firing, and then your eyes narrow. "You stole some of my fortune. You stole the route where we escape."

She flips you off. "And you were planning on ditching me! What kind of friends are you, stranding me in a seedy hotel without any kind of transportation! Wow and I thought I was mean sometimes. You're really lucky I ain't the kind to hold grudges!"

Kanaya having finally regained vocalization abilities asks, “Perhaps it’s because I’m not a Light player, but you were sleeping in the recuperacoon five minutes ago, and yet here you are. Shouldn’t that be the most concerning matter here?” 

“Duh! Jumped out the window once yal left the room! Grabbed some of Rose’s clothes out of the back in one of the many suitcases you have. Gotta say Rose, you really have some fine taste, though sorry it looks like I got sopor slime all over this outfit. Had to, you know, since I was fucking naked and didn’t have a chance to shower. Seriously you really didn’t think this one through very well, now did you?”

Kanaya has resorted to just resting her head against the wheel instead of banging it repeatedly as Vriska continues to rant. You think this is a much healthier coping mechanism for dealing with wild Vriskas and would applaud her for moving so far in her mental health life if you weren't too busy trying not to strangle your fellow passenger.

 

The main problem with being a Seer can you only see the paths available to you at a given time and then make your best assumptions around what appears to be the best idea. If there were to be, say, someone who had the ability to steal outcomes who might have actually been emotionally wounded at your attempts to ditch them in the hotel despite previous utterances, this would make life exceedingly more difficult, especially if one was in the habit of looking ahead once and then just assuming the routes were going to very well stay put.

Despite constantly looking ahead, your car was pulled over by cops five times in the first hour, once by an officer who was absolutely convinced you were planning on transporting illegal organs to Washington, and the blood packets in the cooler really don't help ease his nerves. The air conditioning suddenly began malfunctioning, a tire blew, and at the Arby's you stopped for lunch, they had no curly fries.

You nibble on a stupid straight fry that has no flavor and is not appropriately bendy and glare at one particular Vriska. When she notices, she rolls her eyes in the most exaggerated manner she can muster and kicks you underneath the seat.

"When are you going to stop acting childish and stop jinxing us?"

Vriska huffs. "Oh come on, you gonna blame me every time something goes wrong?"

"Yes!" you say emphatically. "Yes I will! I can tell you are doing this! It's not like I can't see when outcomes start mysteriously disappearing, and out of the three people in the car, you are the only one with that ability. You are at a great disadvantage for covering up your guilt here."

She grins at that all smug and sure. "Guilt would imply that I felt bad about it, Rosie, if I did jinx you, which I am not saying I did. If anything, maybe the universe is mad at you for taking out your frustration issues on a hapless girl like me, and let‘s just say that I know for a fact that it will completely decimate you if you should try a little stunt like that at the hotel again. Maybe this is justice for all the times you were ever mean or wrote bad wizard pornos."

"And maybe this is an attempt to antagonize your ex's matesprit," you say frostily.

She gives you a doe-eyed innocent look and shrugs. "Who can say?”

You nibble another fry and then give up. You toss the remnants of your meal into the garbage and then leave the restaurant to spend two minutes alone with your Kanaya who is currently in the car sucking on blood packets. You even manage to get some half-way decent kissing in before bell jangling has alerted you that Vriska has also left the restaurant and is waiting to heckle you some more.

 

After half an hour of playing a pointless game of "I spy" and another hour and a half quietly listening to one of Kanaya's books on tape, Vriska starts noticing signs for some kind of roadside attraction boasting mutant animals, so you eventually end up stopping at the obvious tourist trap.

Vriska scampers through the park like a wiggler hyped up on sugary sweets while you and Kanaya take your time to examine animals in far too small cages hiding in their shelters from the blazing sun. You don't really know whether or not to pity the coyotes or be thankful that at least they aren't shot.

There are indeed mutant animals however. There are some charming cows with extra legs growing out of their backs which does not in any way make you feel nostalgic.

It totally does. You might consider looking into buying mutant animals or more specifically cats. There have to be mutant, unloved cats out there for you to adopt and to which attempt to give ridiculous names until Kanaya buys fifty cat collars with her own names on the tags in a futile effort to name them "properly". Not that anything like that has ever happened before, oh goodness no that would be unprecedented in the history of your relationship.

You sneak the mutant cow a treat while Vriska whips out her phone to take a picture. As she steadies it, you see a vision of the future flash in your mind's eye where Vriska shows Karkat the cow's picture but with his face photoshopped onto the poor darling.

You confiscate the phone.

 

Later at another gas station, you browse through the contents outside of the restroom Vriska is using. Almost all of her messages have been deleted, probably in case anyone did grab a hold of her phone but then what are the chances of that happening haha, except for a few from John. Curious, you open up the texts. Mostly they are about Karkat and something to do with a gambit?

A gambit. Like a prankster’s gambit? Are they competing in some kind of sick pranking contest? So has Vriska been antagonizing you not because you hurt her precious, delicate feelings but because of some bet with John? You frown and scroll through the rest. There’s nothing more in regards to the gambit, but she does mention you a lot presuming that you are “huge 8itch”. Actually most of the texts revolve around you and not this gambit or recent hurt feelings or anything else at all.

The door swings open, and you shove the phone into your pocket smooth as can be. She rolls her eyes when she sees you and sulks off to the car.

Luckily for everyone, Kanaya is not in the car but browsing through the drinks since apparently blood is boring after a while, and a good sugar rush is what everyone needs. You wave her over and thrust her the phone. You stand there and tap your fingers against the wall impatiently while she reads. It takes her far too long for comfort.

“Well?” you ask after a minute. This is rather important, and you don’t want to keep Vriska waiting too long in the car. It’s Vriska.

“Well. Well indeed. Ah, yes, I presume you are asking if I think that Vriska has a crush on you? I would really hate to make assumptions based upon an aggravating day and a handful of texts, but that might be a distinct possibility.”

The world sways a little or maybe you do. Vriska might hate you romantically. This might be her idea of a romantic hatedate. You don’t know, and if you asked, she wouldn’t tell you though you can be sure she would laugh at you a lot. You have absolutely no idea how to feel about this. Should you be flattered? Worried? Repulsed?

Kanaya gives you the Concerned Matesprit look and puts a paw on your shoulder. “Again, I must stress there really isn’t enough conclusive evidence. The gambit is also a likely explanation as well as our attempts to ditch her, and those kinds of texts would probably be more likely to be deleted so no one would know. She might have just left those ones just in case you did get her phone somehow.”

It would make sense. It would be a very Vriska thing to do. “I suppose we’ll just see how this plays out then,” you find yourself saying.

You later return to the car and are legitimately surprised to find it one piece and not smeared with Nutella.

 

You barely make it to the lower corner of Wyoming before you crash for the night. For some reason, almost all the inns are full due to shenanigans and the town being the last stop before an infinite drive of even more nowhere than Kansas, and the inn is very reluctant to give you more than one room due to a long line of business folk and a very bedraggled motorcycle gang. So much for that plan. 

After you finish hauling up the major suitcases, Kanaya grabs your arm and pulls you into the tiny bathroom with every intent of finally finishing that kiss. You fumble with your hands behind you until the door locks, and then clothing becomes the next major issue to be resolved. She pushes you against the wall of the shower which you handle gracefully with a very discreet yelp. Her hands move next to you, and then the shower is on, warm water cascading around you, and she returns to her kissing. Her hands caress your curves, moving downward, and cup you close to her cool body.

You reach upwards and gently stroke the length of her horns. She shudders and kisses you harder. She then pulls back and gently kisses your chin and then the side of your jaw and then your neck and then your collarbone, trailing ever downwards. You rub her horns harder, and she's already at your navel.

The water suddenly blasts full strength icy glacier water. You shriek, Kanaya shrieks, and you both flail for a good minute before you try to turn the water off. The handle comes off in your hands.

 

Two hours later, the repair crew have finally managed to fix the shower. The greenblooded manager has, in infinite grace, allowed you to room for free the night, biting her claws and worrying her horns all the meanwhile. It's about this time that you begin to ponder the true ramifications of murdering someone.

Vriska snores obnoxiously all night long.

 

Waking up is not pleasant (might have been Vriska), nor is suffering through the worst coffee you have ever had (probably was Vriska), but fleeing the motel from a group of pissed off motorcyclists (most definitely was Vriska) was what truly crafted a foul mood. Kanaya doesn't even talk for the first hour, just sits and sucks on blood packets. Her eyes are narrowed in the way you have come to learn mean she is thinking about either gory things or romantic novels.

Or probably Vriska. Of course it’s Vriska. She’s this black hole of attention, so horrid that you can’t tear your eyes away, forces gaze away from all others and just on her.

One could even say that she really steals the spotlight.

You glance in the rear view mirror. Vriska is typing things on her iPhone with a devil's grin. At least she's occupied and not trying to pull you over again.

The question is the giant resounding why, if she did which has not yet been proven, but if she somehow did have a black crush on you, why? Could it be that she hates you for the very same reasons or perhaps as a rival as a Light player, able to see that which she steals and thus proves much more a threat than Terezi ever could? Perhaps it’s because of your success with Kanaya, someone she might still have feelings for? Hormones?

And if she did, if she really did and asked you out, would you date her? Are you interested in reciprocating?

This is going to bother you all day now. Or at least until the next gas station where you pull over, Kanaya decides she wants another blood packet, and find out you accidentally took someone's professional grade cooler by mistake.

There are actual organs inside. You don’t know whether to be horrified or laugh hysterically so you merely shut the lid and get back into the car before anyone sees.

 

Wyoming is a giant state of nothingness with a few sides of limbo, and you can barely tell when you pass into Idaho. You heard rumors about Idaho, about how it had forests or something or maybe mountains and potatoes. What you see instead is a lot of lava rock. Granted there are bushes growing up from the lava rock, straggly little things that look more like someone took tumbleweed and stuck it into the ground. It’s not exactly the lush environment you are used to.

Also it's snowing. This is somewhat unusual since it's only June. You shoot Vriska a scathing look who just cackles to herself and starts rummaging through your snacks, somehow finding your secret stash of dark chocolate covered almonds and begins wolfing them down without taking any time to appreciate flavor or taste.

 

Vriska offers to drive the last leg of the day which no one trusts even for a second. You continue to drive as Kanaya is familiar with Alternian deserts and then Georgia. Snow is a bit of a weak point for her. She actually hasn’t ever seen snow which naturally leads to pulling over so she can frolic about before realizing that snow is cold and wet. Being a rainbowdrinker, however, and thus immune to the sensations of hot or cold, this takes a while.

A bottle of Dr. Pepper is shoved ceremonially against your shoulder. When that fails to get your attention, it’s shoved seven more times.

“Not thirsty Vriska,” you say, refusing to take your eyes off of your matesprit and also because you don‘t trust her to not have spiked it with something. You hear her hiss and clamber back into the car. Good for her since this trip was supposed to be about you and Kanaya and not her and her weird hateful infatuations.

Maybe if you walked far enough away from the road, you could have sex with Kanaya in the snow without Vriska watching. You don’t even bother using Foresight since the results wouldn’t factor in Vriska's guaranteed eventual manipulation. It probably would end with you being swarmed by sage grouse or something.

Instead you settle for a hug and a few sloppy makeouts until Vriska gets fed up with your flushed shenanigans and throws granola bars at you until you stop.

 

You crash for the night after you hit Montana and thank god you can finally get out of the car and into a hotel after hours and hours of absolutely nothing to see.

The events for that night include the TV being stuck to Fox News, the recuperacoon in the hotel having way too much sopor per liter which results in a very high Kanaya who feels compelled to argue with you that your clothing is on backwards, the door lock not working, the microwave not working, and the power going completely out half-way through the night.

You don’t even bother to confront Vriska at this point. She’s guilty. She’s won. Congratulations for her you only have another day to endure and then you can finally have sex with Kanaya.

 

The car is growing more detestable with each passing day of Vriska. Everything is poisoned by her presence, turns sour with her passing. She’s like a virus, attaching onto cells and corrupting them beyond recovery, and you are growing increasingly disturbed by your desire to smack that smug grin off of her face with your lips.

Who really has the black crush on whom?

Kanaya wouldn’t be disturbed. Kanaya might even like it. Kanaya would probably record your kiss for prosperity or perhaps even join in. But you? You are disturbed.

Does Vriska know this? Is she somehow forcing the outcome to being the one where you kiss her? Can she even see that far into the possibilities she steals, or does she only receive a faint echo of what could be? She isn’t using mind control, you know that much, since she never could do more than give pressure headaches or cause humans to fall asleep.

Behind you, she is munching on a bag full of deep-fried grubs. Occasionally she will start texting whoever (probably John) with greasy fingers leaving smears all over her phone. She’ll snicker at something, snort, licks all over her nose with a disgustingly long tongue, and then wipe her entire face with her sleeve before going back to fondling everything possible in the vehicle with those slimy paws. She is absolutely horrible. No, she takes being horrible to an art, raising it beyond mere performances or parlor tricks.

“Three. That’s three Clark Forks we’ve passed so far Rose. I’m getting concerned here,” Kanaya says, eyeing the road signs with great distress. A good matesprit would be paying attention and making witty comments, but no all of your attention has been stolen by the horror in the backseat masquerading as some kind of sentient life form.

Kanaya continues to ramble.

 

By the time lunch rolls around, you have actually started seeing forests. Real mountain forests and not just lava rock or plains or hills. They should make you feel at home. Kanaya kindly informs you that she has passed at least nine Clark Forks so far which is greatly distressing her and you aren't really paying attention are you. 

Instead you watch Vriska devour through six Taco Bell crunchy grub supremes soaked in hot sauce. You barely touch your food.

 

And then you are in Washington. You are driving, again. It’s just another few hours until you finally get to meet up with John and Karkat and then beat them repeatedly with a shovel until they get the idea. But until then, you still have those hours with Vriska. And damn if she isn’t determined to make the best of them.

She blares her migraine-inducing music from her headphones.

She goes smears grub grease all over suitcases.

She kicks your seat once more for good measure.

She drawls and smiles and says unflattering things about your most recent book.

Kanaya is mostly scrunched as close to the window as she possibly can get. By now it’s war or an actual hatedate and there is no way to tell the difference. Vriska is aiming every last missile at your fortress in an attempt to get you to explode, and Kanaya has decided that the wonders of rainbowdrinker romance novels on her personal iPod are the best way to diffuse the situation or just ignore the two of you.

Another hour in, and a cop pulls you over absolutely convinced you are drunk. The cop is further convinced that you are “cheating somehow” all the drunk tests, and it’s only with great Foresight on your part that you get out of that without being arrested.

Twenty minutes later, you are pulled over again this time for having a “funky taillight”. The attempt is so transparent and easily diffused that you are beginning to wonder if Vriska is running out of ideas.

That’s when the herd of moose steps out onto the road.

You hit the breaks, cause Kanaya to almost slam into the dashboard, and do not end up hitting the moose. The moose stop and simultaneously all turn to look at your vehicle. The largest one snuffs and shakes its antlers at you, scolding, and then shuffles its hooves a little. Once the initial shock wears off, you realize they have absolutely no intention of moving. There is a herd of moose blocking the road that simply will not move.

If you snap at Vriska, you have lost. If you start to cry, you have lost. If you bodily throw Vriska into the herd of moose, you will have won satisfaction but still have lost. You can’t run over the moose or startle the moose for they are moose and thus not easily subdued, and there are forests on either side of the road preventing from you from driving around them.

You stare at the leader for almost half a minute. Vriska doesn’t say anything or texts or crunch grubs. For what feels like the first time in this entire trip, she is the one who is intently watching you. You realize, looking ahead, that she’s rigged this so there’s no way you can win. She’s stolen paths you could take, victories that could be, so there’s no way around these moose, but you’ll be damned before you let Vriska actually win this.

So you cheat.

You calmly step out of the car, casual as can be. This warrants the biggest moose’s attention who regards you with a snuff. You take some time to observe that moose are miniaturized tanks of death and rampage that will win against you and your car without any questions. It’s quite remarkable really. They could probably even hold their own against cholerbears, if there were any around.

The thing is that you can’t do anything at all, but then that’s really irrelevant, isn’t it, when you know of a few powerful friends who owe you some favors and who are also conveniently outside the purview of Light.

The prayer rolls off of your lips and hisses as it reaches air. Shadows coil and rise from the forests, from your arms and from underneath the beast themselves, and promptly shred the herd of moose to scraps of flesh and bone.

You get back into the car. The road is now much easier to traverse, so you floor it and drive on your merry way. There might be a few residual, shadowy tendrils twisting around your arms, but that‘s the only traces left behind, and you are rather proud of that, able to touch magic without going shithive maggots this time. Kanaya is staring at you horrified and is probably thinking that you seriously need some paletimes with a moirail. Vriska, however, doesn’t say a single word, just sniffs and gets out her phone and doesn't even kick your seat.

You have no more troubles for the rest of the drive. Winning has never been so satisfying.


End file.
